Southern Charm Season 5

Southern Charm Season 5

** SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR RECAPS OF SEASON 5 & SEASON 4**

I tried y’all. I tried to not get Into this show again, but I can’t help myself. I’m Really Into Bravo’s Southern Charm.

My friend, Cassandra & I always talk trash about our Housewives & this show is the same. It’s like a soap opera, in that you can watch it for the first time & easily understand what’s happening. It’s got boozy old women, goofy bachelors, the history & pomp that is the South & secrets, relationships & drama. It’s the perfect background noise & much-needed reprieve on Thursday nights. Here is the lowdown on Season Five.

SOUTHERN CHARM SEASON 5 CAST

SHEP

Shep is still…Shep. He’s the quirky, non-committal, sometimes lovable party guy living it up with all the gingham & bedhead swagger we expect. He’s the archetypal “man-child” & I doubt we will see that change. In Season 4, we met his buddy, Austen & the two of them are still bromancing hard according to Shep. Well, a reality show later (Relationshep, anyone) & a weird romantic triangle last season with Chelsea, Shep & Austen may cool the bromance, but we shall see.

AUSTEN

Austen, I’m trying to withhold judgment, but it’s tough. Austen has always wanted to open a business from the ground up because “that’s what my degree” is in. He sells beer for a living & makes it clear from the start that he’s more than a frat rat. Well, he tries. Cut to his next scene, where he jokes about the “walk of shame” a gal makes when leaving his house. A true gentleman, he offered her some juice before kicking her ass out.

Austen quit his job because they wanted him to move to Savannah, so in Season 5 he is free of work & as Chelsea says, living the “frat boy” lifestyle. Between Season 4 & 5, Austen hooked up with one of Chelsea’s friend, Victoria. They’ve since broken up, so Austen tells Shep he may have a chance with Chelsea.

PATRICIA

I died when I saw the arguable star of the show, Patricia. She’s Whitney’s mom (Whitney is a guy & a producer on the show that lives in LA) & she is doing a needlepoint of her pug, Chauncey. Patricia is giving us Mommie Dearest couture tucked back in her mansion being served by her butler, Michael. She’s wearing an insane amount of jewelry & ivory caftan. No surprise here, she’s throwing shade at Kathryn. I mean look at these screenshots- I couldn’t not share this with y’all. I can’t even take it!

Whitney says his mom is now engaged. WHAT?!? Let’s hope her caftan couture business doesn’t go by the wayside. Hearing Whitney talk to Shep about receiving a telegram stating Pat was married is priceless. I look forward to hearing more about “Mr. C.” this season.

CRAIG

In Season 4, Cagey ass Craig finally copped that he never finished law school. He claims he is known for “being a socialite,” but Season 4 found him “working” as a gardener/carpenter/professional hobbyist. He is still bringing up law school stuff, but now he’s “waiting.” For what, I don’t know. Shep is totally butthurt that Craig lied about taking the bar & their bromance is SO over! He’s calling out Craig for being fake & there’s some serious bad blood that’s sure to pop up again every season.

Craig & Naomie broke up after a very tumultuous & tense Season 4. At the start of Season 5, Craig is renovating his home & living with his bro Sean. He helps Shep host a BBQ & it is hilarious, tense & a reminder of why these two do not get along. Shep is so lackadaisical, but he is fairly intelligent. Craig is an anxiety-riddled micromanager & they don’t mix well.

NAOMIE

We love Naomie! Season 5 finds Naomie single & ready to mingle. Last season it was so clear that she & Craig were better off separating. I felt they each really cared for one another, but it was not a match made to last. I’m excited to see single Naomi this season!

J.D. & ELIZABETH

Naomie is also privy to a lot of information on J.D. & Elizabeth. You know, J.D., right? The bow tie wearing, bourbon drinking friend of Thomas Ravenel? Well, he & Elizabeth are recurring cast members of the series. I’ve always liked Katherine & felt she had Kathryn’s best interests at heart despite J.D. being up Thomas’s ass all the time. Let’s throwback to the polo match from hell. Well, J.D. & Elizabeth are separated, but still married, I think. It’s all a bit messy. naomie is close to Elizabeth & let’s just say she is not a fan of J.D. (Who is?) Naomie goes in hard for J.D. immediately. I know that she is close friends with Elizabeth, but I’m afraid this move may backfire on Naomie. If I’ve learned anything from watching reality TV, give these creep ass guys a bit of rope to hang themselves & sit back & enjoy.

CHELSEA

We met Chelsea in Season 4 & I like her. She had a fling with Austen and a kind of fling with Shep as well. Mainly, Shep tried to get with her, but he was too late. Sounds like there is still some unresolved drama between Chelsea & Austen, so I look forward to getting into that mud later in Season 5. Chelsea seems like a good friend to the other girls & I love that.

CAMERAN

Cameran, as usual, is the main one who has a grip on reality. Remember her from, The Real World: San Diego? She’s a real estate agent, so funny, hardworking & the voice of reason. She’s expecting her first child & I can’t wait for momma Cameran. I love her almost as much as she loves Chick-Fil-A & that’s saying a LOT!

THOMAS

Sad stuff coming up here. Thomas (the former state treasurer that had to resign after getting caught with a ton of cocaine) has full custody of the 2 kids he shares with Kathryn. He’s keeping the kids & their Nanny in the guest house & he’s realizing that he’s over 50 with 2 young kids & no stable home life. Evidently, he has $30,000 rugs in his home & he can’t risk the kids messing them up, so the guest house they must stay.

Season 5 shows Thomas in a new home! He figured out that keeping the kids sequestered in a guest house was “not conducive”. Very quickly, we meet thirsty Ashley, who is Thomas’s new girlfriend.

KATHRYN

Oh, Kathryn. Before Season 4, she failed a drug test, went to rehab & is back in Monck’s Corner trying to get it together for the sake of her kids. Seriously, I hope this season finds her mellow, focused & determined to keep it together for Saint & Kensie. She’s so young & if she can steer clear of the drama, I think she has a real shot.

At the start of Season 5, she agreed to take blood tests at any time as part of her parenting agreement with Thomas. Kathryn has an apartment & is planning to get rid of the nanny Thomas hired. Kathryn has yet to meet the new girlfriend, Ashley, but she’s already not Into her.

In Memoriam: LANDON

Thankfully, Landon is not a cast member this year. Thank the Lord. We are so over the Landon/Kathryn/Thomas drama. I’m leaving this here in case her name comes up or she makes an appearance. I know she’s busy with her BLOG. Who could forget last year’s many awkward situations involving Landon? First, she declared her love for Shep & he said ‘No, thanks’. And that was AFTER she threw a disco-themed roller skating party for him! It wasn’t a good year for her. 

Season 4 finds her paddle boarding in a green lake talking about her rough summer of traveling the world. Sorry girl, I’m still reeling over that cringeworthy meeting where she tried to pitch her idea for a lifestyle blog & the guy called her out for being totally unprepared. That was bad.

THE VERDICT

I’m Really Into This show & I can’t help it. The first scene of this season shows Thomas telling Landon they should take a chance with their relationship, which I can only think is a total mess. Kathryn will LOSE her mind if Landon & Thomas are a legit couple. I guess Bravo hooked me again with that teaser.

SOUTHERN CHARM SEASON 5 RECAPS

SEASON 5 EPISODE TWO RECAP – THE BREAK-UP BUNCH

Tonight is a continuation of EPISODE ONE. Shep is hosting a BBQ at his house. Shep & Craig have so much tension trying to cook this damn food, it is hilarious. Evidently, this is the first time that Craig & Naomie have been around each other since their break-up. Thomas shows up with his new girlfriend, Ashley.

 I’m waiting for the fireworks because Ashley and Kathryn have not met. Chelsea & Austen are cordial, despite him dating her good friend. Cam shows up 9 months pregnant & these damn folks don’t have the food ready. We find out Ashley & Thomas met in Santa Barbara & he coerced her to move to Charleston. Uh huh, sure. JD then shows up in a blazer & pocket square & Naomie is not having it. Kathryn & Thomas have a meeting of the minds in the corner of the party. Thomas hired a new Nanny without consulting Kathryn. She flat out tells him that for them to have a productive and mutual co-parenting relationship, he needs to reach out to her prior to making these important decisions. Thomas & Kathryn’s tender moment is ruined when Ashley shows up to introduce herself to Kathryn for the second time that night. Kathryn tells Ashley that she is caught off-guard because Thomas never told her that he has a new girlfriend.

Shep gives a nice toast to his fantastic friends hoping they can all be in such as grown-up & happy as Cameran one day. JD is cackling in the corner & Naomie says his laugh gives her nightmares. I totally see that happening- his laugh is atrocious & forced. Thomas & his girlfriend hit the upstairs bathroom together like a pair of classy folk. Cameran, Craig & Shep die laughing. JD shares that he’s in the guesthouse & his wife, Elizabeth doesn’t want to be around him. Naomie calls him out at the dinner table & tells him to be a better person. Naomie says she goes to the house to pick up Elizabeth out of the bed and that Elizabeth calls her crying. Chelsea calls JD a con-artist & Naomie says that everyone at the table knows he is a “complete piece of shit”. JD leaves the party & the rest of the crew begins to migrate upstairs. Craig tells Naomie that he has her back & that he’s proud of her for sticking up for JD. It’s a sweet moment disrupted by the huge amount of dip in Craig’s mouth. Naomie starts crying & Craig tells her she looks wonderful & he wishes it would have worked out between them. They’ve got so much history & so much to still work through.

The next morning, Kathryn tears up thinking about the similarities between JD & Elizabeth & what she & Thomas went through. Thomas’s new girlfriend, Ashley tries to get more information about Kathryn from Thomas. Thomas then shares that he would likely still be with Kathryn if she had been nicer.

SEASON 5 EPISODE THREE RECAP – GROOVY BABY

This episode starts off with Thomas cooking eggs for Ashley in a robe. Then he makes a few wonderful jokes about his nickname, “The Impregnator” & about putting Plan-B into the eggs “just in case.” YUCK! continuing with his seductive ply, he asks Ashley, “Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?” He’s just the WORST.

Whitney attends a childbirth class with Cameran. Whitney has grown on me so much in the last few seasons. This was a great scene and loved hearing Cameran’s birth plan that consists of her wish to “pick a baby of a tree” if she could. I just love her. “It’s not gas, it’s a baby.”

Patricia is throwing a co-ed baby shower for Cameran, & she picks the guest list since she is hosting and paying for the party. Despite Cameran’s pleas to include everyone, Kathryn is left off the list. The party is a Slim Aarons theme complete with butler, Michael! The best part was this fantastic cake. I’m telling you, Whitney is all good with me this season!

Naomie is upset that Kathryn wasn’t invited & she makes the mistake of confronting Patricia at her event. No surprise, but Patricia ducked & dodged in a fair way as she was not discussing this at the baby shower no matter what.

Elizabeth & JD show up & it’s tense as hell. Naomie is pissed & feels betrayed & it’s obvious to me that JD is trying really hard to get in everyone’s good graces. They arrive late & leave the party early as JD doesn’t want to face the music & I think Elizabeth is uncomfortable knowing their relationship is the elephant in the room.

Let’s end with the sweet friendship between Kathryn & Craig. They’ve always had each other’s back & this season is no different as Kathyrn visits his house & we get a look at Craig’s new sewing room. I honestly love that Craig sews. While I’m not a huge fan of the aprons he made on Episode 1 of this season, these little pillows are so cute!

SEASON 5 EPISODE FOUR RECAP – ALL TALK NO ACTION

Patricia loans out her fantastic butler, Michael to Cameran & we are so jealous! He helps her get all her baby stuff organized & even gives her a foot rub.

Craig is busy trying to sew a pillowcase a night while watching his “shows” with his buddy/roommate Sean. He also touches base with his parents via Skype. I’m really liking Craig this season.

Thomas & JD sit down for a “Gentry & Ginger”. God, they are gross. Then, Thomas starts doling out parenting advice. What a joke. Kathryn has to reach out to Ashley to get to know her to make sure she isn’t “crazy”. We learned Thomas & Kathryn are both 5’11” & Ashley offers to get Kathryn a drink. Uh, no Kathryn went to rehab, duh. Ashley goes off on her life history & why she moved to Charleston. I gotta give it to Kathryn, she held it together & she’s grown up. She’s not playing Thomas’s game anymore.

Chelsea has a sweet beach date with her dad drinking tequila out of a flask. Kathryn heads downtown for a girl’s night in a hotel room & head to dinner. Meanwhile, Thomas, Shep, Austen & Craig hang out & try to help Craig hook-up with a woman. Naomie reveals that she has a tracker on Craig- that’s just insane as she seems to not want to have anything to do with him. Thomas is old & awkward out on the town- no surprise. Craig gets a haircut from Chelsea & confides in her that he & Naomi need to talk. Naomi texts during the haircut (imagine that!) & they meet up. Their meet-up is awful Naomie bashes Craig, he tries to smooth it over & it all goes to hell.

SEASON 5 EPISODE FIVE RECAP – PULP FRICTION

After promoted by an Uber driver, Craig sets up a time to meet with a life coach. Life coach Laura shows up at Craig’s home a bit later & tries to give Craig some insight into himself. She summarizes Craig as confident, hyperactive & wants him to practice listening patience and positive self-talk. Later, Craig also meets up with Kathryn at a sewing shop. Looks like quilting may be his next foray into DIY projects! Kathryn encourages him to take some time apart from Naomie because she knows they still love each other but are in a vicious cycle.

Speaking of Naomie, she kind of loses her shit this week. First, she meets Chelsea, Shep & Austen for a drink only to learn from Chelsea that Craig mentioned that he may be interested in Peyton. Shep briefly dated Peyton & she recently moved to Charleston. Seriously, Naomie’s entire energy changed.

Austen wants to open his own beer business & prompts his parents to get behind him at a family dinner. Evidently, Austen’s dad was in the FBI and his mom was in software sales (likely my favorite tidbit of this episode) & they need more drive and hard business plan form Austen before they move forward.

Patricia meets up with Thomas & Whitney & we learn from Pat that, “Thomas speaks Pepé Le Pew French”. Patricia offers to take Ashley under her wing after Thomas reveals her lack of subtlety is overwhelming. He attributes it to her being “northern” & Whitney thinks Ashley wouldn’t benefit from Pat’s finishing school because she’s not Southern & it’s in “the DNA”.

Cameran is getting everything ready to welcome her baby girl, including a coming home outfit. She & Namoie get their nails done & she tells Naomie not to worry about Craig. Because Cameran is so close to having her baby, she skips the Halloween party. This is definitely a good move.

Peyton “the new girl” & Austen host a Halloween party at the docks & Naomie is mean, talking shit behind Peyton’s back & to her face. (I see on Instagram they are all cool now, so there’s that!) Naomie flat out asks her why she is in Charleston & calls her a thirsty bitch. Austen sees this behavior in Naomie & instantly feels badly for Craig.

SEASON 5 EPISODE FIVE RECAP – EXES ON THE HALF SHELL

Kathryn has a rough week. She suffers through an awkward interview at a fashion boutique, Gwynn’s. She then attends the opening of Nico’s, which is former Pizza Hut restaurant reimagined by Naomie’s parents.

Speaking of Naomie, she meets up with her dad prior to the opening of Nico’s. He suggests she be the bigger person & apologize to Peyton. I think this is great advice as Naomie seems to still be hurt after her break-up with Craig. Her behavior is likely attributed to this & honestly, I expect more from Naomie. I’ve always liked her. Later in the episode, she makes things right with Peyton & offers her a genuine apology. They hug it out & I’m hoping the girl on girl drama is over this season.

Shep gets his hair cut by Chelsea & he drops a hint that Austen is taking on some younger Shep-like behavior and is galavanting with women downtown. This is not news Chelsea wants to hear. Later at the opening of Nico’s, Whitney pushes Austen to confront Shep about this statement in front of Chelsea. It is so awkward & I don’t even think she wants to be in this weird love triangle. She wants Austen to grow-up, man up & straighten up & he’s not there yet. No doubt, she will get tired of waiting.

Shep & Cameran have a really cute scene this episode Cameran is very close to her due date, o before they have lunch she asks him to go joyriding on “Labor Lane”, which is a cobblestone street in Charleston. They are both laughing, having so much fun & Cameran thinks she pees. In perfect form, Shep is like, no sweat- the seats are leather. It is so sweet & we can tell their friendship is real.

Austen is trying though. He at least wears his most appropriate beer-themed T-Shirt to wear to a brewery. He is checking out different places so he can try to get his beer business going. Let’s hope his business can get off the ground.

Evidently, Ashley sits in the sink to do her make-up. What the hell is it with this girl? She needs to get away from Thomas, ASAP! He is so greasy & is flirting in a really uncomfortable wat with Kathryn at the restaurant opening. Ashley seems oblivious.

SEASON 5 EPISODE SIX RECAP

Cameran is so close to having her baby girl, Palmer.

Kathryn & Chelsea are working out. Kathryn reveals that she has Thomas right where she wants him.

Austen keeps going back & forth on his relationship with Chelsea. Remember, he dated Chelsea’s friend, Victoria? They broke up because he still has feelings for Chelsea. Now, he’s thinking he should be back with Victoria. Later, Austen meets up with Victoria & asks for her to take him back & she does. So, does that mean he & Chelsea are over for good?

Shep talks to his dad & reveals he’s not investing in more bars. Instead, he’s renovating & renting properties in Charleston. Consistent with past seasons, Shep is not ready to settle down & doesn’t know if he will ever be ready.

Patricia takes Ashley shopping at Gwynn’s Department Store. Yes, this is the same department store Kathryn had the horrendous interview experience last week. Patricia tries to give Ashley some dating & love advice.

Later, we find out Kathryn did get the “internship” at Gwynn’s. We see her style a wardrobe profile & honestly, she does a great job.

Thomas, Shep & Whitney meet up for a drink. Thomas reveals that he & Kathryn hook-up at least once a year. He also states the worst thing about having a girlfriend is that he cannot date anyone else. Later, Patricia hosts an all male diner with Thomas, Craig, JD, Whitney, Austen & Craig. She urges all the men to let go of their Peter Pan syndrome.

Thomas & Kathryn meet-up for dinner later. There is some meaningful discussion & Kathryn makes it clear that Thomas parading Ashley in front of the children is very hurtful to her. She also makes it clear that she does not want to get back together with him. Kathryn is having a birthday party for Saint and wants to include Thomas, but not Ashley. Thomas is game for it, but from the looks of next week’s episode, Ashley is pretty pissed.

SEASON 5 EPISODE SEVEN RECAP

Kathryn’s grandmother passed away, but she’s still up to escape the craziness of Charleston & head to Hilton Head with Chelsea & the rest of the crew. Cameran is still pregnant, so she will miss out of the trip.

Naomie is trying to not be a lunatic to Craig, so in a peace offering, she brings Gizmo the cat over for a visit. Naomie is rocking crutches because she broke her foot longboarding with Chelsea. Honestly, their little greeting is so sweet & Craig even tried to make a tiny cheese platter with crutches.

Ashley is still fishing for more money & more clothes from Thomas. She says she’s feeling like Melania Trump, “her hero”. I’m not even kidding. She even suggests that Thomas could run for election again! She must not know his backstory. Since Gwynn’s has become a co-star this season, the salesperon alerts Thomas that Kathyrn isn’t in because her grandmother passed away.

Later, Ashley becomes irate that Kathryn didn’t extend an invite for Saint’s birthday. She’s butthurt thinking Kathryn cares anything about her. She feels excluded & entitled to be part of the party. Even Thomas knows this is foul. He makes several comments throughout the episode about how he will end things if she keeps up her controlling behavior.

After a riverboat cruise, all the ladies go horseback riding on the beach & of course, Ashley is trailing behind. The guys head to a golf course & Whitney is wearing a denim jacket, while golfing. Later at dinner, Ashley confronts Kathryn about not receiving an invite to the birthday party & this is a BAD move. She even makes the comment that she sees the children more than Kathryn- god, this behavior is BAD.

SEASON 5 EPISODE EIGHT RECAP -HILTON HEAD-ACHE

At the restaurant, Ashley continues to go and hard on Kathryn. She brings up all this BS that the nanny said including that Kathryn did not go to the hospital when her son Saint had his adenoids removed. Kathryn calls BS on all of this and the gang at the table encourages Thomas to get Ashley the hell out of there.

HonestlyHonestly, Ashley is so foul in this behavior. Amazingly, Kathryn is able to keep it all together in the gang envelops her in a really sweet moment in the episode. Eventually, Ashley leaves the table and she and Thomas go talk outside of the restaurant. He tries to tell her cool it off act cool and then she just starts screaming about how everybody at the table are enablers.

Meanwhile, the gang is all back at the table telling Kathryn how awesome she did. They all think that they will not return to the restaurant, but they do! Ashely & Thomas head into the bar and then later, they all head to a ferry boat ride.

On the ferry boat ride, with me tell Thomas that Chelsea says Ashley should not stay at the house if Kathryn is not comfortable. Thomas becomes unhinged and screams at Chelsea to shut the f*ck up. Everybody else on the boat tell Thomas that he is foul later he apologizes to Austen and Chelsea.

As soon as they arrive at the house ship with me and Austin head out to a bar while the rest of the group hangs back. Danni and Kathryn talk to Thomas outside on the patio and try to get him to understand how vile Ashley‘s behavior towards Katharine is. Meanwhile, Ashley tries to get Chelsea to side with her and she comes across very condescending and Chelsea basically tells her do not talk to me like that and has upstairs to bed.

The next morning, Austin and Craig make breakfast for everyone. Ashley comes downstairs and ask like everything is A-OK and everybody’s in disbelief at how shameless she is. Ashley and Thomas and Whitney decide to hang back while the rest of the crew is going to meet up with Chelsea’s friend and go crabbing and fishing. Whitney talk to Thomas alone and tries to get the scoop on what Ashley was trying to accomplish by coming at Kathryn the way that she did in Thomas basically says that he was impressed that Catherine held it together so well.

On the boat, Craig spills the beans that Ashley is likely not on birth control and Kathryn and the rest of the group is dumbfounded.

Later back at the house, everyone’s waiting for their home chef to make this wonderful seafood feast. Ashley continues to be disgusting. Even Shep says he cannot stand her & calls her a pariah.

Austen gets a phone call from Victoria. He takes it outside on the patio and she’s getting all bent out of shape because it was a picture of Chelsea in Austen interlocking elbows while on the boat. He tells her get over it but he’s not playing this game she’s too jealous and that’s basically where the episode ends.

SOUTHERN CHARM SEASON 4 RECAPS

WEEK TWO

Sarah: Whitney showed up at Thomas’s house in a studded trench coat & explained he and his long-distance girlfriend broke up. He thinks old Thom is doing better without Kathryn around. DUH!

Cassandra: Cameran went to meet Jen Snowd0n’s baby (no relation to Edward…I think) & I’m glad we learned about her sweet baby boy because I remember hearing about him when she was pregnant at the reunion. Cameran is still on the fence about having kids.

Sarah: Shep (like the pie) & Craig had it out at the batting cage. Shep just can’t let he fact that Craig lied about law school go. So, he brings it up again & interrogated him. Maybe Shep wants to be a lawyer? Craig basically told Shep to step off, get a girlfriend & quit being a loser. Then, Shep switches to bitch mode & says he & the rest of the gang took Craig off their group texts, which is the modern-day scarlet letter.

Side note: Poor Craig is allergic to cats, but he cuddles all night with them anyway & pushes them in a wheelbarrow. Remember now, he’s a gardener. His girlfriend, Naomie is pissed about Shep running his mouth about Craig. I have to say I was Really Into Naomie’s look at the event.

We got another throwback to Landon’s humiliating blog meeting in NYC & honestly I never tire of it. She’s getting her travel blog, Roam off the ground despite her disclosure she knows nothing about technology. Seems like her team is keeping her on track & she’s already planning her Travel Channel show. Okay, I made that part up, but if it happens then you heard it first here.

Cassandra: You forgot to mention, “I don’t hang with millionaires, just billionaires.” Also, what is up with Thomas’ affinity for talking dirty to himself in the mirror….when he knows he’s on camera.😂 I never compliment myself in the mirror. It usually involves my cringing and running away lol.

Sarah: I will say, the little bit I saw of the blog did look nice & professional. Her friends did a good job- I’m sorry; I had to say it. She didn’t even help write the content! Shep tells her to slow her role- when did he become Grandpa Shepherd dolling out advice. He seriously said, “take that under advisement & kill me with kindness.”

Cassandra: “when I’m Not bitchy I get taken advantage of and then when I am bitchy I get called a bitch.”

Sarah: Cameran is pushing hard for Shep & Chelsea to make a love connection I mean they both hunt, fish, surf & drink. Hell, they sound like soul mates to me. Too bad Shep (like Shepherd’s pie) is only Into free love. That third wheel date with Cameran was super awkward.

WEEK THREE

Landon cannot say the word, charcuterie. Finally though, Craig said it, who anointed Shep as the resident expert & unsolicited advice giver on all subjects. No worries, Craig can’t say step & repeat, which makes me Really question his status as a Bravolebrity.

You can never be overeducated or overdressed- Pat is a goddess. You know she sells her own custom caftans & once this blog take off, I’m buying a few My fear is when I go caftan I will never go back to a waistband.

Lord, help Kathryn. Showing up to model with photos on her laptop. She must have got advice from her nemesis, Landon on being prepared for business meetings. Sounds like she may get St. Julien & Kensie modeling, but let’s see what Thomas says about that.

Speaking of Thomas, this guy has MONOGRAMMED NAPKINS for his in-home bar. I don’t whether to be pissed off or impressed with this. Just kidding- I thought it was F-ing ridiculous.

OMG- Craig talking to that damn cat Gizmo about how they weren’t going to make any money because his hair was crap- I died. Especially when he asked, “How are we going to explain this to the orphans?” Also, Naomie is steadily becoming my fave especially when I learned she & her parents talk shit about people in their native language, French.

Since Shep is into ‘free love’ looks like Chelsea may be moving onto Austen & I’m not sure Cameran is too happy with that scenario.

WEEK FOUR

 Oh, back at the Polo Club. It was hotter than hell & Landon was taking on the role of Mrs. TRAV. It seems like Kathryn might have been right about Landon wanting to weasel her way into the Ravenel name. Now, Craig got pissed when Thomas sat on his ass instead of getting up to kiss his kids when the Nanny brought them to the match. Patricia explained this on WWHL that Thomas was doing the kids a favor as Polo is dangerous & he wanted them off the field. I could see that, but I’m not convinced that was his intent. Austen is getting really close to Chelsea, much to Shep & Cameran’s surprise. Freaking Landon- when she said, “when have I have I ever had a hair-brained idea? I’ve been very successful at pretty much everything I’ve ever done.” CTFO, Landon- you are in such denial I CAN’ T EVEN! The love triangle between Shep, Austen & Chelsea is definitely heating up. Chelsea’s such a bad ass- she’s like I’m doing what I’m doing & you boys can figure it out for yourselves. Thomas is still pining after Landon & it’s super awkward. I totally agree with Whitney- get it over with, please.

WEEK FIVE

Grandpa Shep is still butthurt over Austen & Chelsea. Whitney telling Thomas he’s got so much baggage there isn’t even room in the overhead bin for all his issues was super awkward & hilarious. Jennifer & Kathryn had a lunch date to try to make amends & ugh, Kathryn was awful! Poor Jen was crying talking about her baby & Kathryn was so dismissive & we’ve seen this from her before. Landon talking about Roam at the bar & she’s suddenly so popular that she has to go incognito is laughable. I think I even detected a horrific British accent from Landon.

WEEK SIX

This week I had the treat of watching Southern Charm with Baby D.

Sarah: First of all, I can NEVER get enough of Patricia’s home & property. It’s just unbelievably gorgeous. I was stoked to see her hosting a dinner party. Also, I would die if I saw her buying liquor at Costco!

Okay, Charleston- what’s with all the Jeeps?

Derek: Shep- he’s the one with the curly hair and the liver problem. 9 drinks a night, I mean come on dude, grow up.

Derek: My thoughts on Craig, he’s a little bitch, doesn’t he not have a job and he’s giving his girlfriend a hard time. He’s embroidering a pillowcase while she’s busy at school.

Sarah: Austen is the beer whisperer. Love how Chelsea is dressed up & looking hot as hell & he’s like an overgrown child in his khaki pants, short sleeve plaid shirt & looks like his mom did his hair with her hand and some spit.

Cameran looked amazing at the dinner party & she hit the nail on the head staring getting Landon & Thomas together was a horrible idea.

Shep joined Kathryn for a yoga class where she donned pineapple graphic leggings.

Austen had dinner with his parents & they hit him with the idea of him supporting himself. He got a little testy with them. Jen had a sip & see for everyone to have a few drinks & meet Baby Ascher. Naomie showed up without Craig in tow because he wasn’t ready. He showed up acting like a total baby with a Hot Topic belt & saggy jeans. According to Baby D, Naomie has a good head on her shoulders & he’s not sure what they he’ll she’s doing with the man-child Craig. He was being a total prick to Naomie at the party & so disrespectful calling her horrible names. Thomas & Landon were flirting at the party & OMG it is so cringeworthy. Lord help us if they wind up making it work.

WEEK SEVEN

Kathryn is on good terms with her kid’s godparents- JD & Elizabeth. She & Thomas still haven’t spoken. Shep is trying to set up a hunting trip for the crew. Omg, Whitney, “part of hunting is lookin’ good!” Austen & Chelsea are definitely hooking up & Shep is totally out of the picture. I seriously screamed when I saw Pat on this phone case- I freaking love these characters so much and it’s further proof that she & I should be friends. Thomas showed up after hunting- remember, he’s a felon, so he can’t be around guns. Everybody got wasted & headed back to Charleston. This has to be a turning episode because Bravo did a long promo afterward for the rest of the season.

WEEK EIGHT

Another week of watching Southern Charm with Baby D.  Rain & Namoie went to couples therapy & basically Craig is in total denial- end of story. Chelsea & Austen are getting serious. He told Chelsea about his sister’s accidental death when they were kids- devastating & heartbreaking. They had a date at a trampoline park where again Chelsea looked hot as hell & Austen just crawled out of bed. Baby D just doesn’t understand how these fratty guys can land these girls & honestly I’m confused too. I almost threw up watching the “if I do this, then you have to kiss me exchange” does any girl out there really fall for that stunt? Especially when the guy is in a T-shirt and khaki shorts?!? Crossover with Kathryn going to Chelsea to get her hairdid, so she can get back into modeling. Kathryn also sent a note to Thomas trying to get back to a better spot. I am honestly believing her & hoping they can get to a better place. I think she really is trying, but he is not buying it. Maybe it’s too little too late for them. The highlight this week was Patricia’s launch party for her customized caftans. We met her friend, Georgette & she makes Pat look tame. There was an Indian theme to the party because they bought their first caftan there. Baby D wished Whitney was around more. Shep rolled up to the party looking like shit. This dinner party had rules- no politics, no religion, no cursing & no sex talk. Georgette showed off this giant ass diamond & she also threw some shade at all the dinner party guests. Then a psychic healer came to party & according to her: motherhood is in Cameron’s future, Law is Craig’s true passion & he will own his own law firm, Shep isn’t settling down anytime soon, Landon’s soulmate is in the room, Whitney will be a dad & then the gang fights over Thomas & Kathryn again. Craig called out Landon for taking too many low blows & demanded an apology. Seems like the guys are willing to give Kathryn another try & Cameran & Landon are the holdouts.